Finding Rhythm

At a breastfeeding group yesterday, one woman talked about people asking her how long her son goes between feedings, when he naps, and how long he naps for. She has to answer that she has no idea - she just "goes with it". She then asked the group, with quite a bit of hesitation, if there is any way to have some kind of schedule with a baby since it seemed like the people asking the questions could predict and plan their day around their babies' naps and feedings. I interpreted her hesitation as being worried about how she might come across mentioning "scheduling" in an environment that promotes baby-wearing/attachment parenting/breastfeeding on cue/etc (in which schedule is generally a bad word). But I can totally relate to both things: one, that I only have a vague idea of how long Leo goes between feedings or how long he naps for (and this is a wide range depending on the time of day); and two, I have also wondered if I could get us on to a routine to guide our day together.

Another mother responded with an idea I've also considered doing: she wrote down everything her baby did for a few days and discovered to her great surprise that he *did* have a schedule! Small things (an extra feeding, for example) might change from day to day but in general there was a common sequence to his day. She also noted that if he got up at a later time, his routine would shift ahead by that amount of time. She noticed that there was a period of a few hours in the evening when he was particularly fussy and so she decided that his bedtime would be before the fussiness started - he's now not awake for that part of his routine, so it doesn't happen! I didn't get the sense that she now was able to predict exactly what he would do (and babies do seem to change things up when parents think they've got things down), but rather that she was reassured that his behaviour wasn't random and so just let him do his thing while knowing that there was a pattern for him.

The facilitator of the group nodded and said, yes - we talk about Rhythm. Ok: scheduling bad, rhythm good. I'm not sure what practical use I'll actually make of this, but I loved hearing about the idea and the possibilities of discovering more about my baby this way. Then I started thinking that I could probably actually learn more about *myself* this way. Before having a baby, I would often have a moment in the late afternoon of a day off work where I was mad at myself for "doing nothing" all morning. I think I was trying to impose a schedule on myself instead of learning about my own rhythms. And now, my goal is to harmonize my rhythm with my baby's - and also dedicate some part of the day to myself in some way. A roundabout way of saying that I hope to reflect and write about me and my own (non-baby-related) thoughts and identity soon!