Emerging

 

June 18, a half hour after Leo's birth

The first few times I ventured briefly out of the house after Leo was born I was shocked by the world outside. So bright! So big! So many people! I realized then that I was fairly successfully "hibernating" inside our home as we all rested and explored and started to get to know eachother.

 

1 week, 2 days old

These short walks were kept brief at first by my physical need to rest and heal. I would be very energetic on the way out the door, chatting to Ze'ev and excited to be outside in the air and the sun, but I would suddenly become tired, feel heavy in my body, and need to return home. Overextending myself in the first week (even by walking three blocks!) was followed by distinct signs that I was already doing too much. 

 

1 week, 6 days old

Getting physically stronger and stronger I now can walk just as much as before giving birth but notice a different kind of overextension. After some time out of the home I get a nagging, increasingly insistent feeling that I just want to be at home on my couch holding my baby. Even if I'm carrying him on my body while walking about. It's more than a feeling, almost like slight anxiety... Unfortunately these signs of this version of pushing myself too far are easier to ignore than the physical signs of the first week. Until, that is, I'm snapping at my husband or sobbing at 3am when I haven't had more than one hour of uninterrupted sleep yet. 

 

With my mom (Leo's baba): 3 weeks, 5 days old

We're almost at the six week mark! Which I've read in blogs and books is the first difficult "hump" of parenthood. As I told a good friend a couple weeks before giving birth, my goal in labour was to get to 6cm (I didn't end up knowing my dilation at any point in my labour, but that's another story) and my goal in new parenthood was to get to 6 weeks. By which I meant I would prepare to just experience and cope and enjoy during those stages while knowing that they will pass and things will inevitably change. So I think I need to remember this plan, that although the first six weeks are going amazingly well (thanks to my incredible husband and the help from my sister and mom) we are still in the very beginning stages of this great adventure and I still need to respect our needs for hibernation as we slowly emerge into the world.

 

Yesterday, July 24, 5 weeks, 1 day old